The Underground Junk Hole

Join us for a rare interview with Corey, better known as The Articulated One (TAO) in geek circles. His toy-reviews are a blessing to collectors and a bane to the existence of crappy toy-companies. If it sucks, he'll tell you, if it doesn't, he'll also tell you, if it smells like wet paint, he'll sniff it and ask you hours later where he's been, awesome.

(Unfortunately, Corey didn't supply me with pictures of anything, so here's my rendition of what I think he looks like)


1] Who the hell are you and why should we give a damn?
TAO: I am the one, the only, lovable, huggable, wonderful, and articulated purveyor of criticism and praise, offering assessments of all things plastic (yes that's right, all things, just send them my way). And please offer your dam donation today, for a mere 3 dams a day, you could save a beaver's life. Be careful typing "beaver protection" into google.  


2] Do you ever buy ugly toys, or stuff you normally wouldn't buy, just to have something new to review?
TAO: I think this will answer this question on its own. I've only recently started buying a number of lines, and solely to appeal to potential readers of the site. I end up loving them all, but it would probably be all DC and Marvel for me if it weren't for ravenous visitors and their insatiable appetites for moldy old lines like Transformers and GI Joe.


3] What do you think of bootleg toys in general? Have any favorite fakers?
TAO: I guess it depends on the quality of the bootleg. Well done bootlegs are immoral, but terrible bootlegs are hilarious. If I could choose to have any "faker", it would be a bootleg version of Masters of the Universe's Faker character. A faker Faker would be the thing of legends. It would earn three reviews.


4] Someone told me you used to build tricycles for a living, is this true? Also, are you an alien?
TAO: I'm actually not terrible at repairing bicycles (it's an on and off hobby), but tricycles are just too complicated; it's something about that third wheel. Yes in fact, I am an alien, and I was told being an action figure collector was the best way to impregnate Earth females. Indeed, my superiors were correct.


5] What's your least favorite toy-line to review, and why?
TAO: I'm still relatively new to the review scene, and haven't encountered that many lines as of yet. I will say that reviewing GI Joes and Transformers is overwhelming because the fan culture behind them is so strong. If you insult a DC Comics figure, not many people care. If you say a GI Joe looks stupid, there are fan coalitions who will hunt you down and beat you to death with their miniature accessories. That's why all of my GI Joe Reviews will be receiving a 90 or higher from now on.


6] Why'd you start reviewing figures, what triggered the urge? Passion for writing? A love of plastic? To spite me?
TAO: As appealing as spiting you is, you're just not that important. I don't know why I started reviewing figures. There are already a lot of great blogs out there, but none of them were perfect for me, so I thought I'd make my own. I just underestimated the amount of time it takes, and when in graduate school, time isn't something of which you have a luxury. I suppose most reviewers come from a long history of loving toys and it's all about comparing each and every toy to its past iteration. I'm a little younger and like looking at each toy as it is, so whether or not it matches its first rendition is irrelevant to me, as long as it looks good and offers some fun, because I don't have that history.


7] Has anyone ever told you you look like Bono? *bats eyelashes*
TAO: You too? We all love Bono don't we? I've never been compared to Bono, just Bone, though I'm not sure why.


8] Do you like cats? Kyle Robinson hates cats, with a vengeance. Have any pets? Do they eat your Legos?
TAO: The only thing cats are good for is protecting the house from rabid GI Joe fans. I personally prefer dogs, but they tend to just roll over and beg for a belly rub when sweaty collectors run by. The animals are strictly forbidden from entering the action figure room; its mysteries are lost to their slobbering maws.


9] Ever have that one dream where you're being chased by a murderous giant toy with a dremel? No? Is that just a customizer-exclusive dream, then?...
TAO: My latest action figure dream is posted in all its gory detail right here. You and your customizer friends must think you're so special, with your exclusive dreams, spitting in the face of toy companies, dremels in hand!


10] What's your monthly toy-budget? If you had to choose between a cool toy, sex, and some really good ice cream, which would you rather dip your spoon into? How big is your spoon, er, I mean how big is your figure-collection?
TAO: My monthly toy budget is bigger than it used to be after sacrificing a huge chunk of my weekly pull at the local comic shop, but it's still not enough. I'll admit I'm lucky to have some dispensable income so I can provide all these reviews, especially when others are having trouble buying figures. That's why I'm trying to give back as much as I can through my contests. I'm already dipping my spoon into all three, simultaneously, and I'm doing it right now. Think about that a minute, then commence with the jealousy. When talking about ...um, "spoon size", let's just say I'm a 12" collector. My figure collection is probably a lot smaller than some of my readers, but it's growing at an immense rate. In total, I've probably got over 500 figures, around 150 of which were purchased in the last year, but I haven't taken an actual tally.

Contact Info

There you go, Corey of ArticulatedDiscussion.com bares his soul and his fangs to Nightmare. Who knew he hated GI Joe and Transformer fans so much? Now you do! But before you egg his home, visit his website and read a few reviews before he drowns in egg-yolk.

Website: www.ArticulatedDiscussion.com

Email: thearticulatedone [at] articulateddiscussion.com (I'm guessing actually, but there's a contact section on his site! Yay!)

Man that's a mouthful!

Corey also has contests on his site where you can win some of the action figures he reviews, and he promises they aren't all crappy GI Joes, his words, not mine! :P